| happens. It doesn’t matter how positive an | | | | As he sees it, his life is ruined and he’s |
| attitude you have or how balanced and centered you | | | | blaming everyone for his troubles. People who react |
| are, there are going to be times when you are | | | | like John spend weeks, even months, wallowing in |
| knocked down. Ties when your carefully organized | | | | despair until, if they’re fortunate, someone |
| life is turned upside down and you get knocked on | | | | close to them convinces them to seek professional |
| your rear end. Life happens. | | | | help. |
| You will no doubt experience serious illness in either | | | | Mary, on the other hand, reacts much differently. |
| yourself or someone close to you. You may be | | | | Although she has gone through the same experience |
| challenged with the loss of a loved one, a divorce or | | | | as John and has pretty much the same issues like |
| perhaps the loss of a job or any number of situations | | | | living expenses, etc., she chooses to react differently. |
| that will leave you feeling like you were kicked in the | | | | After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, |
| stomach. | | | | self-pity and anger, Mary decides to get back in the |
| Let’s face it. These things will happen. | | | | game. She begins contacting her network of |
| They’re part of life and no matter how you | | | | colleagues and co-workers, avails herself of the |
| try to explain them away with the idea that, | | | | outplacement services her former employer offered |
| "everything happens for a reason," they hurt. A lot! | | | | everyone and starts actively looking for a new |
| They hurt at the very core of your being. The pain | | | | position. In a short time, Mary finds her "dream job" |
| begins in your heart and radiates throughout your | | | | with an exciting new company. |
| entire being. Repeating positive phrases does not | | | | While both people in our hypothetical example Had |
| make it stop hurting. | | | | the same experience and both went through a period |
| At times like these, you’re going to feel | | | | of hurting, the time each allowed themselves to |
| down, even depressed. You probably feel anger or | | | | remain in that dis-empowering state was vastly |
| some other manifestation of your pain. Whatever | | | | different. While John remained "stuck" in his problem, |
| you’re feeling, it’s ok. It’s ok | | | | Mary handled her loss and moved on with her life. |
| to feel hurt, sad, angry or whatever your true | | | | This is the key. It’s not whether life |
| feelings are. You cannot deny pain any more than | | | | occasionally puts you into a tailspin, it’s how |
| can deny fear. The only way through either of them | | | | long you remain there. |
| is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling. | | | | When something devastating happens to you, allow |
| The question is not whether or not you will feel | | | | yourself some time to grieve your loss, however, |
| down. The question is for how ling will you stay in | | | | don’t allow yourself to get stuck there. Take |
| this state? | | | | some action. Join a support group, talk about your |
| The difference between people who get through | | | | feelings with a trusted friend or your spiritual advisor. |
| life’s challenging moments, regardless of the | | | | If necessary, seek professional help. |
| seriousness, and those who are immobilized by the | | | | In the case of a job loss, perhaps you want to take |
| events is what I call the "Bounce factor." | | | | some time to re-evaluate your career goals. You may |
| How quickly can you bounce back? Of course, the | | | | even consider a change in fields. When you’re |
| severity of the event will have a lot to do with the | | | | ready, you can begin networking and making new |
| time it will take you to get past the pain and on with | | | | contacts. Attend social or church events. Call people |
| your life. | | | | you know. Do something! |
| Take the example of two people being downsized | | | | One of the most important things to remember in |
| from their high technology jobs, something that is | | | | high stress situations is not to allow yourself to |
| becoming a natural occurrence these days. One, | | | | isolate. While spending some time alone is normal, |
| whom we’ll call John, is floored by the news | | | | even necessary, isolation can be dangerous and |
| of his dismissal. He expresses his pain by becoming | | | | should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be with |
| angry at the company, his co-workers and the | | | | people as soon as possible. As a friend recently |
| system in general. He spends his days telling anyone | | | | reminded me, "life is for the living." It’s |
| who’ll listen, about his "problem." Usually from | | | | important to get back to your life. In time, the pain |
| a bar stool. | | | | will pass. |